Osculate

The act of Kissing or Kissage.

That is to say, to touch or caress with the lips, especially as a sign of passion or affection. To French, to lip, to make out, to neck, to peck, to pucker up, to smack, to smooch, to snog, to yaddle.

What do you mean, you've never yaddled?

Get out there and do some yaddling.

Aphasia

Leave three focus couple sham tell O King betrayal mood brow odour muse would wharf sister carry doors milk not statue engineer flecks biscuit ask curtain goose first involved thigh do run liquid hear kick widow sleep week egg think tail mud gene tree hat nose down paper daffodil flame the dark true salt way link complete strike limits victory frosted wake simple hesitation create bad nostril fill nib beep still bear surface outside shall eleven bald secure cousin legal ear.

Top Secret

Something is coming. Details are on strictly a need to know basis...

Distant Voices

Can you hear that?

In between the nagging doubt and the half-rembered jingles, is the voice. The voice will tell you what needs doing. Listen to the voice. The voice has clarity, the voice has purpose, the voice has a better vocabulary than you could dream of. If nothing else you might learn something. You are a fervent servant of the voice.

Lost & Hound

The United States of America dresses its dogs, so why not adorn them with the mighty name of Carruthers?

What's next? Muzzle-mounted moustaches?

Wares You Can Smoke

They're recruiting.

Hop

Ladies...


If in doubt, sort yourselves out.

There Can You Smoke

When that bus turns up it's gonna stink...

Shelf Respect

Feng Shui-ed to within an inch of its life. Who lives in a house like this?

Here we see the resident's choices in literature, music, lighting and photos of his family and friends.

What we don't see is the hair on the floor, the noose hanging from the ceiling or the writing on the wall...

Where Can't You Smoke?

A ten metre smoke free bubble.

Think local.

Simon Sats

Simon Says is a game in which one of the players is Simon. The others must do what Simon tells them to do when prefixed with "Simon says". If Simon says "Simon says fnark", the players must each fnark and players that do not are out. However, if Simon says simply "fnark", without first saying "Simon says", players do not fnark; those that do fnark are out.

For Simon, the object of the game is to try to get everyone else out as quickly as possible, and the other players would wish to stay in for as long as possible. The last of Simon's followers to stay in wins and then they bathe.

Where Can You Smoke?

Smokers have become social pariahs.

Maybe you should give up reading.

Love Thong

Just when you thought the Carruthers related merchandise would dry up, the USA comes to the rescue. This must be their proudest export.

Keep the loins of communication open.

Keep Off The Tracks

He came from the wrong side of the tracks.

Which side of the tracks is the wrong side?

Enter

Why break the habit of a lifetime...

*

Are they hoping your eyesight is too bad to see that asterisk?

Creme de Salad

1 teaspoon of French or English mustard
1 teaspoon of castor sugar
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1/4 teaspoon of white pepper
1/4 Pint of evaporated milk
1/4 Pint of olive oil
2-3 tablespoon of wine vinegar

Put the Mustard, Castor Sugar, Salt and white pepper together a medium sized bowl. Add the Milk and mix together. Gradually whisk in the Olive Oil until you haven't got Mayo.

American π

It's π day.

Nosed

It's Red Nose Day. Give.

Tricentennial

Three hundred posts. Who'd have thought it?


Posts with videos - 7

Posts with photos - 273

Posts with shitting profanities - 11

Posts with tags - 229

Posts accidentally posted twice - 5

Followers to date - 4

Posted comments - 43

Most common tag - Peel This

Unwanted pregnancies - 2 ½

Sput Nav

This is where it all started. On the Fourth of October, 1957 the Soviet Union launched the world's first artificial satellite, but more importantly they chose to give it a silly name.

Ticking Boxers

Go to bed with Mr Carruthers.

Turbulence

Or suction.

Trouser Snake

It's what you do with it that counts.

Felis Anisodactyly

Clearly the creationists were right...

The Pretender To The Throne

What is salad cream?

What's the difference between salad cream mayonnaise?

Is it creamed salad?

Ashes to Flashes

His name is Mr Carruthers, he's just been shot and that bullet has sent him back to 1981. He may be one second away from life, or one second away from death. They say that as you die, your life flashes before you, all those memories and mistakes that form us. Well bring it on. His life can flash away as much as it wants because he is not going to die. He's coming back to you, Molly.

So noted

Now you can keep track of the movements of Mister C with this stylish notebook:

Although in order to throw people off the scent it looks as though it reads 'arruther¿'

Be Square

It's Square Root Day.

Day multiplied by Month equals Year

It won't happen again for seven years, one month and one day, so go out there and enjoy it. Walk around, smell the air...smell it again.



Are you enjoying it?

900

There you are. Possibly.

Nine hundred people count Myster Carruthers among their friends.

That's 90 Basketball or 60 Rugby teamsworth or 450 double acts-worth. Go and form a double act, that's something you can do.

Don't Cuss The Bus

If the train can't take the strain...