Monday, 29 September 2008

From: THE DESK OF DR.MRS.MARIAM ABACHA.

The following email arrived at the Mr Carruthers Presents domicile and we aren't entirely sure as to its authenticity:

From: THE DESK OF DR.MRS.MARIAM ABACHA.
ATTENTION:

Good day and compliments. This letter will definitely
come to you as a huge surprise but I implore you to
take the time to go through it carefully as the
decision you make will go off a long way to determine
the future and continued existence of the entire members of my Family.
Please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Dr.(Mrs) HAJIA Abacha,
the wife of the late Head of State and Commander- in- Chief of the Armed
Forces of
the Federal Repulic of Nigeria, Gen. Sanni Abacha,whom died of heart attack.

My ordeal started immediately after my husband's death
and the subsequent take over of government by the last
administration. The present democratic government is
determined to portray all the good works of my late
husband in a bad light and have gone as far as
confiscating all my late husband's assets, properties,
freezen our accounts both within and outside Nigeria.
I am writing this letter to you, my son Christoph
Abacha is undergoing questioning with the government.
All these measures taking by the past/present
government is just to gain international recognition.
Me and the entire members of my family have been held
incommunicado since the death of my husband, hence I
seek your indulgence to assist us in securing some
funds. We are not allowed to see or discuss with
anybody. Few occassions I have tried travelling abroad
through alternative means, all failed.

My late husband has FORTY million US DOLLARS
($40,000,000.00) specially preserved and well packed
in trunk boxes of which only my husband and I knew
about it. These packages are been deposited with a
security company without anybody knowing the contents
of the packages, because it was declared as photo
materials and other personal effects. It is packed in
such a way to forestall just anybody having access to
it. It is this sum that I seek your assistance to get
out of Nigeria as soon as possible before the present
civilian regime finds out about it and confiscate it
just the way they have done to all our assests.
On your consent, e-mail via the under listed contact
immediately for further discussions and clarification.
Bearing in mind that you may assist me, I have decided
to part with 15% of the total sum.Your URGENT response is highly Needed.

Yes, there is a need for us to see before the transferbut the reason why i needed the account is to get theapprovalof the paymentso that we can be 100% sure ofthe payment before our meeting.
I received the account but the Address of the bank isnotthere so send the address of the or state asfollows,

A/c number.
Beneficiary name
Bank name.
Bank address.
Your postal address.

I wait the complete account informations.

All corespondence must be forwarded to my Family confidant and
representative Mr.CARRUTHERS on his e-mail address:
(
mister.carruthers@hotmail.co.uk)for security and confidential reasons.
May Allah show you mercy as you do so,
Yours Truly,
Dr.(Mrs) MARIAM Abacha.


What shall we do? Is it our duty to help? Would $6,000,000 come in handy? The answers to some of these questions are on their way as we ruminate and debate the merits of parting with our hard-earned.

Saturday, 27 September 2008

Wally encircled

Did you find them? If you've yet to try, the original post is here

The locations among this batch of trenchermen of the following are circled in red below


Wally
Wenda, his girlfriend
Wizard Whitebeard, their chaperone
Woof, his dog
Odlaw, his arch enemy
Two Wallywatchers
Mr Carruthers

You're on your own with the hats, bones, scrolls, binoculars and whatever else.

Thursday, 25 September 2008

Blue movies

When you and your partner have finished watching the likes of To The Manor Porn, maybe you'd like to get your thwack on to something a little more hardcore.
She'll blue your mind.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Actors gone...


rouge
rooi
royo
bermeyu
chupika
crvena
roig
coch
rot
punane
rojo
gorri
vermello
merah
rosso
abang
wouj
sor
ruber
rout
raudona
xunre
rood
raud
rauoge
vermelho
puka
russu
beureum
punainen
rauduona




Monday, 22 September 2008

Eee by gum


Did you know: e is short for MDMA, which in turn is short for MethyleneDioxyMethAmphetamine?

Winners don't don't drugs. Or if they do, then odds are, the losers have probably done even more drugs. But it would seem, drugs or no drugs that spelling champions the world over would struggle with Methylenedioxymethamphetamine.

They party hard.

Sunday, 21 September 2008

Stick to where you know

It's nice to see a house with character.
Of course, this house has all the character of a stick man.

A stick man with a lovely home I'm sure. A stick man with his own hallway, kitchen, lounge, study, bathroom, wc, loftspace, garage, airing cupboard, master bedroom, mister bedroom, mistress bedroom, mattress bedroom and planning permission for a third dimension.

Saturday, 20 September 2008

De...

...Forest Kelley played Dr McCoy in Star Trek for 96 episodes and 6 movies.

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

Welcome home

I love what you've done with the place. You did what you were told.

It never did go so well.

Tuesday, 16 September 2008

Bee

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed

Monday, 15 September 2008

Sunday, 14 September 2008

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Arthur

This painting of Arthur Wellesley, 1st Duke of Wellington by Goya was stolen from the National Gallery in London in the early sixties.

Specifically the nineteen sixties.

The Iron Duke turned up on the set of Dr. No, the first James Bond film. It disappeared again for many years before reappearing in 1987 at a bus stop in Crewe with the following written on the back:

"Beware the masked rhododendron"
Mister Carruthers

What does this mean?
What doesn't this mean?
What does this meme?

Friday, 12 September 2008

Thursday, 11 September 2008

The Three Chairs

There along the wall stood three chairs:
The first chair was too big. It was too high, much too high.

The second was middle-sized, but it was too wide, much too wide.

The third chair was a cozy little chair which was just right.

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

They're more scared of you...

...than you are of them.

Don't worry about it, they aren't looking at you.

OK, maybe they are, but you don't stand out.

OK, maybe they are. Yes, yes they are. Well, don't draw too much attention. OK then, try and draw less attention. Be non chalant.

No, don't pick your nose.

Monday, 8 September 2008

Jobbed

Are you the least worst candidate for this job?
Job title: Executive Business Executive
Department: Suited Business Folk
Reporting relationships: Reports to the Senior Executive Business Executive.

Purpose:
To convince everyone paid less than you that you are worth every penny without explaining what it is that you do. Because you don't, you won't and you shon't.

We don't trust you to do any actual work, you are pure mark up, you are margin, you are wastage, you are the first against the wall when the revolution comes, you are the Judas goat.

Key responsibilities:
Wear a suit.

Other duties:
Wear a tie.

Salary:
Plenty.

Location:
Head office until the inevitable gardening leave.

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Disgeyes

Don't wink at the audience, then they'll know you aren't one of them.

Wear something that won't make them look you in the eye.

Saturday, 6 September 2008

Iain Lee is a Cunt

The ex-11 o'Clock Show & RI:SE rent-a-twat apparently googles his own name with an additional word, perhaps in the hope of finding a googlewhack, perhaps in the paranoia that the dissenting voices might be right.

At the time of going to press 45,700 people had taken the time to call Iain Lee a cunt, which to be fair to him is quite an achievement. It is after all more than half the number that feel the same way about Adolf Hitler and he pushed more than a couple of noses out of joint.

Well it's 45,701 now.

Cunt.

Friday, 5 September 2008

Hiding in plain sight

As long as the audience don't suspect you, you'll be OK.

Just don't wear anything conspicuous.

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Waveslave

OK, now this time you'd have to have a heart of stone not to wave.

Monday, 1 September 2008

September's here

A pinch and a punch for the first day of the month.

Now what shall we do with it?