That was May

What did you do with it?

Promptus et Fidelis

The Coat of Arms for Mister Carruthers has fallen into our now arm-filled laps.

Described as being red with two gold chevrons engrailed between three gold fleurs-de-lys. Above that a helmet and a Crest. "An angel flying in natural colour."

The Motto recorded with the Arms is "Promptus et Fidelis" translated from the Latin this means "Ready and Faithful"

Is he ready?
Is he faithful?
For what and to whom?

Panic On The Streets Of Birmingham

Rhythmic.

Props

The props list for Peel This:

Whistle x1
Guitar x1
Clipboard x1
Smarties x1 tube


Not much to it, is there?

Every Blog Has Its Day

Some fool has been blogging his nuts off about us.

Car(r)others

It's more complicated out there than we ever thought.

Lined

It's not in the way that you hold me, it's not in the way you say you care
It's not in the way you've been treating my friends
It's not in the way that you stayed till the end
It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you'll do

Hold the line, love isn't always on time, oh oh oh
Hold the line, love isn't always on time, oh oh oh

It's not in the words that you told me, girl
It's not in the way you say you're mine, ooh
It's not in the way that you came back to me
It's not in the way that your love set me free
It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you'll do

Hold the line, love isn't always on time, oh oh oh
Hold the line, love isn't always on time, oh oh oh

It's not in the words that you told me
It's not in the way you say you're mine, ooh
It's not in the way that you came back to me
It's not in the way that your love set me free
It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you'll do

Hold the line, love isn't always on time, oh oh oh
Hold the line, love isn't always on time, love isn't always on time
Hold the line, love isn't always on time, love isn't always, love isn't always on time
Hold the line, love isn't always on time,
Love isn't always on time,
Love isn't always on time,
Love isn't always on time, oh oh oh

Music & lyrics by Toto, moves busted by Andy Cartwright

Stacks

Take your pick.

Not In Service

We regret to inform you that the buses are not running.

A replacement rail service is in operation.

The International Day for Biological Diversity

Is no longer the 29th of December.

Laugh It Up, Fuzzball

Alternatively you can cut-out this mask of everybody's favourite Wookiee.

Get an adult to help you.

Birthed

Doesn't time fly?

It's been a whole ruddy year since we started this. I think you'll agree we're incredibly mature for a one-year-old yearling on its first annual birthday.

And what a year it's been. Help yourself to these highlights:
these are a few of my favourite posts.

Happy Birthday to us
Happy Birthday to us
Happy Birthday to the Mister Carruthers Presents...Daily Blog
Happy Birthday to us

Masked

One, Two, Three, Go


The whole hideous ensemble.

Post

Receiving mail makes anyone feel special.

Masking

The nearly-finished article.

Soon you too will be able to sicken and appall your friends and relatives.

Cornered

Welcome to King George County in the state of Virginia in the United States of America. Here you will find a small community called Carruthers Corner.

Has our hero been there?


View Larger Map

Is he still there?

Component #3

These hideous creations were made by a company so sure of the quality of their product they see fit to label it as 'Fun Novelty Slippers'. It must be impossible not to have fun whilst wearing these, and presumably they remain novel despite the unavoidable hair loss and choking hazards mentioned on the back of the box.

The recommended retail price is £15.99. Yes, almost sixteen times the amount I was embarrassed to admit I paid.

Stretch that pound.

Pushing Buttons

Now what's with all that heavy breathing?

Component #2

This triangular hooking device is a key. A key to all the cars you've never owned.

It's also another integral part of our masterpiece.

Vitruvian Mister

Another version of Leonardo Da Vinci's 1487 anatomical study, Vitruvian Man, has come to light.

Is Mr Carruthers older than any of us ever thought?

Component #1

These NHS-esque lenseless beauties are vital.

Start there.

Happy Whacking Day

If you don't do your whacking duty you'll be knee deep in snakes. It's your responsibility to look after your own ankles.

2,145 metres above sea level

While Australia's New South Wales is clearly not a patch on the old one, it is however home to the brilliantly named Snowy Mountains. Nestled among them is Carruther's Peak.
Is this a sign that our elusive hero has been down under?

Say It With Flowers

The Adventure of the Solitary Cyclist, Part Eighteen

Continued from Part Seventeen:

Holmes rose and tossed the end of his cigarette into the grate. "I have been very obtuse, Watson," said he. "When in your report you said that you had seen the cyclist as you thought arrange his necktie in the shrubbery, that alone should have told me all. However, we may congratulate ourselves upon a curious and in some respects a unique case. I perceive three of the county constabulary in the drive, and I am glad to see that the little ostler is able to keep pace with them; so it is likely that neither he nor the interesting bridegroom will be permanently damaged by their morning's adventures. I think, Watson, that in your medical capacity you might wait upon Miss Smith and tell her that if she is sufficiently recovered we shall be happy to escort her to her mother's home. If she is not quite convalescent you will find that a hint that we were about to telegraph to a young electrician in the Midlands would probably complete the cure. As to you, Mr. Carruthers, I think that you have done what you could to make amends for your share in an evil plot. There is my card, sir, and if my evidence can be of help to you in your trial it shall be at your disposal."

In the whirl of our incessant activity it has often been difficult for me, as the reader has probably observed, to round off my narratives, and to give those final details which the curious might expect. Each case has been the prelude to another, and the crisis once over the actors have passed for ever out of our busy lives. I find, however, a short note at the end of my manuscripts dealing with this case, in which I have put it upon record that Miss Violet Smith did indeed inherit a large fortune, and that she is now the wife of Cyril Morton, the senior partner of Morton & Kennedy, the famous Westminster electricians. Williamson and Woodley were both tried for abduction and assault, the former getting seven years and the latter ten. Of the fate of Carruthers I have no record, but I am sure that his assault was not viewed very gravely by the Court, since Woodley had the reputation of being a most dangerous ruffian, and I think that a few months were sufficient to satisfy the demands of justice.

The End

The Adventure of the Solitary Cyclist was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, first published in The Strand in 1903 and later collected with twelve other short stories in 1905 in The Return Of Sherlock Holmes.


Was Carruthers inspired by Carruthers?
Or vice versa?

Practice Makes Practice

Yet more reactions to the Rehearsals video:

"Good job"

"Nearly every other act ive commented on I havent had really that much to say about, but you are genuinely funny! Kinda reminds me of The Office style dry sense of humour. I seriously couldn't stop laughing. Hope you do well"

"Thank you for sharing with me"

"These people are good!"

"Hahahaha! Bloody loved it!!! MORE!"

"This fellow has a rubber face! Look! It's actually made of rubber! Real, live rubber! Like a rubber. I'd like to see the finished piece."

"Loving the dance moves!!! They made me happy :)"

"Great vid by the way...Fantastic, actually. Very lol."

"your vid was excellent"

"Great stuff! I’ve voted and now I’m watching the videos on youtube"

"Very funny stuff...Big up BRUM. "Hope you like jammin too!" "Who was That"..I think it was UB40 but I'm not sure."

"So there are actually people on Noostar with talent. I was have my doubts. Great stuff. Should be on Comedy Lab."

The Adventure of the Solitary Cyclist, Part Seventeen

Continued from Part Sixteen:

"She was next-of-kin, no doubt, and you were aware that the old fellow would make no will."

"Couldn't read or write," said Carruthers.

"So you came over, the two of you, and hunted up the girl. The idea was that one of you was to marry her and the other have a share of the plunder. For some reason Woodley was chosen as the husband. Why was that?"

"We played cards for her on the voyage. He won."

"I see. You got the young lady into your service, and there Woodley was to do the courting. She recognised the drunken brute that he was, and would have nothing to do with him. Meanwhile, your arrangement was rather upset by the fact that you had yourself fallen in love with the lady. You could no longer bear the idea of this ruffian owning her."

"No, by George, I couldn't!"
"There was a quarrel between you. He left you in a rage, and began to make his own plans independently of you."

"It strikes me, Williamson, there isn't very much that we can tell this gentleman," cried Carruthers, with a bitter laugh. "Yes, we quarreled, and he knocked me down. I am level with him on that, anyhow. Then I lost sight of him. That was when he picked up with this cast padre here. I found that they had set up house-keeping together at this place on the line that she had to pass for the station. I kept my eye on her after that, for I knew there was some devilry in the wind. I saw them from time to time, for I was anxious to know what they were after. Two days ago Woodley came up to my house with this cable, which showed that Ralph Smith was dead. He asked me if I would stand by the bargain. I said I would not. He asked me if I would marry the girl myself and give him a share. I said I would willingly do so, but that she would not have me. He said, `Let us get her married first, and after a week or two she may see things a bit different.' I said I would have nothing to do with violence. So he went off cursing, like the foul-mouthed blackguard that he was, and swearing that he would have her yet. She was leaving me this week-end, and I had got a trap to take her to the station, but I was so uneasy in my mind that I followed her on my bicycle. She had got a start, however, and before I could catch her the mischief was done. The first thing I knew about it was when I saw you two gentlemen driving back in her dog-cart."

To Be Concluded...

Hearse Again

Before you can rehearse, do you have to hearse? Is there a hearsing process we go through beforehand?

We hearsed. We rehearsed. You reviewed.

Some more reactions to Rehearsals video:

"Loved it! I think the second dance sequence was my favorite."

"It certainly looked fancy, very good quality...Very nice video indeed."

"It got more than a few good laughs out of me."

"haha '....so can one of you get an erection please' don't beat around the bush now will you"

"i really like this video =D i've voted 'funny' for it too =)"

"i watched it earlier and thought it was funny....loved the dancing skit and singing! =D"

"lol your 'vocal warm-ups' cracked me up =D but i think all the windows in my house just smashed =P"

"'Turns out it was an imaginary hat'. God bless ludicrousness. More!"

"Birmingham has rhythm? I can name three things to prove that statement wrong.
1. UB40 are from Birmingham
2. Cleopatra are from Birmingham
3. Steven Robert Francis is from Birmingham.
All of the above have no rhythm. Fact."

"I saw this the other day and it made me laugh - especially the rasta bean bag wig! You guys are good together and i prefer it to the writer's meeting becuase there 'shit happening'. Really funny stuff though and looking forward to the next one."

"Still voting :) Love to see more, you guys are awesome. This must be really hard to write/construct."

The Adventure of the Solitary Cyclist, Part Sixteen

Continued from Part Fifteen:

"Well," said I, "you call that love, Mr. Carruthers, but I should call it selfishness."

"Maybe the two things go together. Anyhow, I couldn't let her go. Besides, with this crowd about, it was well that she should have someone near to look after her. Then when the cable came I knew they were bound to make a move."

"What cable?"

Carruthers took a telegram from his pocket.

"That's it," said he.

It was short and concise:--

"The old man is dead."

"Hum!" said Holmes. "I think I see how things worked, and I can understand how this message would, as you say, bring them to a head. But while we wait you might tell me what you can."

The old reprobate with the surplice burst into a volley of bad language.

"By Heaven," said he, "if you squeal on us, Bob Carruthers, I'll serve you as you served Jack Woodley. You can bleat about the girl to your heart's content, for that's your own affair, but if you round on your pals to this plain-clothes copper it will be the worst day's work that ever you did."

"Your reverence need not be excited," said Holmes, lighting a cigarette. "The case is clear enough against you, and all I ask is a few details for my private curiosity. However, if there's any difficulty in your telling me I'll do the talking, and then you will see how far you have a chance of holding back your secrets. In the first place, three of you came from South Africa on this game -- you Williamson, you Carruthers, and Woodley."

"Lie number one," said the old man; "I never saw either of them until two months ago, and I have never been in Africa in my life, so you can put that in your pipe and smoke it, Mr. Busybody Holmes!"

"What he says is true," said Carruthers.

"Well, well, two of you came over. His reverence is our own home-made article. You had known Ralph Smith in South Africa. You had reason to believe he would not live long. You found out that his niece would inherit his fortune. How's that -- eh?"

Carruthers nodded and Williamson swore.

To Be Continued...

Pigs Might

Swine flew.

The Adventure of the Solitary Cyclist, Part Fifteen

Continued from Part Fourteen:

"You need not concern yourself about that," said Holmes. "There are two very good reasons why she should under no circumstances be his wife. In the first place, we are very safe in questioning Mr. Williamson's right to solemnise a marriage."

"I have been ordained," cried the old rascal.

"And also unfrocked."

"Once a clergyman, always a clergyman."

"I think not. How about the license?"

"We had a license for the marriage. I have it here in my pocket."

"Then you got it by a trick. But in any case a forced marriage is no marriage, but it is a very serious felony, as you will discover before you have finished. You'll have time to think the point out during the next ten years or so, unless I am mistaken. As to you, Carruthers, you would have done better to keep your pistol in your pocket."

"I begin to think so, Mr. Holmes; but when I thought of all the precaution I had taken to shield this girl -- for I loved her, Mr. Holmes, and it is the only time that ever I knew what love was -- it fairly drove me mad to think that she was in the power of the greatest brute and bully in South Africa, a man whose name is a holy terror from Kimberley to Johannesburg. Why, Mr. Holmes, you'll hardly believe it, but ever since that girl has been in my employment I never once let her go past this house, where I knew these rascals were lurking, without following her on my bicycle just to see that she came to no harm. I kept my distance from her, and I wore a beard so that she should not recognise me, for she is a good and high-spirited girl, and she wouldn't have stayed in my employment long if she had thought that I was following her about the country roads."

"Why didn't you tell her of her danger?"

"Because then, again, she would have left me, and I couldn't bear to face that. Even if she couldn't love me it was a great deal to me just to see her dainty form about the house, and to hear the sound of her voice."

To Be Continued...