Rupert Facemelter: A Life In Mime

Rupert Facemelter

Born into one of England's oldest families, the well respected Facemelters of Esher, he is the youngest of four children and easily the least impressive of them. Educated at Eton to the age of 33, he was invalided out of the British Army with toenail rust.

He then took the cloth but was defrocked following an incident involving pre-swilled communion wine. Upon his return to the loving arms of his family he was passed over for the family business, instead his family adopt a four year old Romanian orphan and gave him sole control.

Despite no previous experience, Rupert was offered a job as a commentator on the BBC's coverage of the mime events for Grandstand. Despite a case of fishmumps during the silent auction, he garnered quite a following among women aged 38 to 52 & 64. He remained a feature of mime on television and radio for over forty years, outlasting six co-presenters and a parrot.

As mime has declined so has his celebrity, except for an altercation last year with Gloria Hunniford and a sauna, he is currently helping the police with their enquiries, has unfortunately had his passport seized and cannot leave the country.

Bulgaria's White Glove 2008 will be the first mime event held in his absence in 42 years.