Trump topped

The search for Mister Carruthers once again seemed to have hit a dead end, until this little gem arrived:
This slightly soiled card from the Top Trumps Tyrants game offers us a tantalising clue to his past, but also leaves us with questions that simply must be answered.

Why is he so bad at origami?

A Writer's Meeting, Part Three: Duel (again)

Video. Catchphrases. Duel. Spielberg. Walks. Trousers. Squirt. Acid. Back. Death. No.

The Thin Blue Loin

And the results are in. The Definitive (until the next one) list of sitcom porn titles is here. Here are the highbrow and incredibly witty examples included in our video:

Sextras
The Orifice
Sucktoe & Son
Faulty Bowels
Two Pints of Semen & a Bucket of Sick
Nad’s Army
Queers
Everybody Bums Raymond
Everybody Rapes Chris
To The Manor Porn
The Fall & Rise & Fall & Rise & Fall & Rise of Reginald Perrin
Father’s Bed
The Wood Life
Black Cocks
Only Fools & Whorses
The Gay Today
Brassthigh
Cock The Nine O’Clock News
Drop The Dead Honky

And these are your pitiful and disgusting efforts after the challenge was issued

Mancock’s Half Hour
Yes! Yes! YES! Prime Minister
Rising Camp
Bed Dwarf
The Licker of Dribbly
Spoused
The Liver Curds
Grappling
The Thin Blue Loin
Rand E. Cesspitt
‘Ho-de-‘Ho
Breed
Phoenix Nuts
Are You Being Perved?
The Nude Statesman
Blowing Me, Blowing You
I’m Anal Partridge

You are filth incarnate.

But would you mind if we scrape off some of the better smut for our own arousement? Don't go taking the moral high ground with me, pottymouth. So what if this was my idea? You lowered the tone further my friend. I think either way we can put our differences to one side and agree that not enough words rhyme with jism.

Currently none of these titles are in production. A gap in the market?

A Writer's Meeting, Part Two: Sitcom Porn (again)

In the light of the events surrounding Part One. An investigation has been mounted to get to the bottom of it and find out how exactly to blame me. My ineptitude continues unabated meanwhile and I'm reposting the Writer's Meeting videos one by one by one.

Watch our porn. Again.

Bing Bong

We regret to inform passengers that due to a fault on the line at Signal 3.4b there will be a three minute delay to every second rail service to Bedford. The 14:13 service will be redirected through Platform 3.

There will also be additional service running today calling at Whatanob, Little Keithshampton, Gullible, Keithinham and eventually, after a long delay, at Keith.

We remind you to remain behind the yellow line. Stand back from the line. Stand the shit away from the line. You heard me.

A Writer's Meeting, Part One: A Bad Start (again)

Another chance to see?
A re-release?
A bit of nostalgia?

OK, I'll admit it. In my efforts to tag the videos I lost the first one. It vanished into the inter-ether.

And so here it is, once again, for you to peruse at your pleasure and ignore at your leisure.

Tags to Riches

I've gone back through the posts of the past and tagged them for your viewing pleasure.

This brings together all posts on a single topic, like this:

Search for Carruthers

Now you can gorge yourself on all the Paul Darrow or Felicity Kendal related posts.

I am He as You are He as You are Me And We are all together

I'm slowly turning into you
But you don't know this

To be true

You say I'm lying and I never really

Tell you the truth.

But your face is getting older

So put your head on my shoulder.

Yeah put your head on my shoulder.

Yesterday it hit me that I do

All the little things

That you do

Except those same little things

That you do

Are annoying.

They're annoying as hell in fact

It kind of struck a little bell in fact

I like to keep my little shell intact.

And I'm slowly turning into you
And I'm slowly turning into you

And I'm slowly turning into you

Then something else came to mind

And that was the mirror

It made everything clearer

That you're more beautiful

Compelling and stronger

It didn't take much longer

Just for me to realize I love all the little things

And the beauty that they're gonna bring

I dig your little laugh

And I'm loving your quick wit

I even love it when you're faking it!

And this might sound a little strange

For me to say to you

But I'm proud to be you.

And I'm slowly turning into you

And I'm slowly turning into you

And I'm slowly turning into you

La la la

La la la

La la la

Music & Lyrics by Jack White, sewing by Amy Wilks & Fraggle

The Future's Here...

...Or if not, it soon will be.

Head it off at the pass. Your happiness awaits:

Twenty Twenty

Did you find him?

If not, here's a handy eye chart to quantify your failure. Take a deep breath, close an eye and cup the opposite buttock. Read each line aloud.

Wally Folly

The search for that elusive Mister has taken a bizarre twist. Move over Wally, Where's Carruthers?

You know the drill, somewhere in this mass of gourmands is:

Wally
Wenda, his girlfriend
Wizard Whitebeard, their chaperone
Woof, his dog
Odlaw, his arch enemy
Some Wallywatchers, hats, bones, scrolls, binoculars and shit that no-one ever really looks for

And against all odds and flouting all copyright law Mr Carruthers is in there too.


He really is.

Border Hoarder

The hunt for Mr Carruthers continues, but unfortunately for a time it seemed we would have no tantalising new leads.

That was until a key was delivered to Carruthers Towers, after a little detective work it was revealed to belong to a safety deposit box at Heathrow Airport. A taxi ride and a struggle later the box was unlocked to reveal a map.

Disappointingly not drawn in blood, the map that would lead us to four more pieces of another map.

When the four map sections were put together in a dramatic fashion, it was embarrassingly revealed that they were from four different maps. The trail had gone cold.

We worried that nothing would turn up and that we would be forced to post Paper/Scissors/Stone: The Rematch. Thankfully you have been spared that because this was inexplicably discovered in my penguin's sporran:


We may not know where Mr Carruthers is, but we can begin to unravel where he's been.

Paper/Scissors/Stone

Here's the deal:

Paper wraps Stone
Scissors cuts Paper
Stone blunts Scissors

Decide on one, then another, and then a third. Then scroll down to play.



































No cheating.

Did you win?

Mr Carruthers Stripped

I have no idea.

Hand Dryer Fryup

Breakfasting in the Gents toilets? Here's our handy guide to fine dining:

Step One - Press button
Step Two - Retrieve bacon
Step Three - Enjoy bacon

The recipe for flushed fried eggs is on its way...

300

Mister (or rather Myster) Carruthers is on facebook, yes even people without faces are on facebook. He has at the time of going to press 299 friends. We might as well round that up, you could well be Carruthers' 300th friend. It's exciting, isn't it? I bet you're all a quiver.

This isn't a competition and there is no prize, all you get for your troubles is the right to be safe in the knowledge that you are his best friend*





Join Mr Carruthers and his Facebook chums

* behind 299 others anyway.

Stir

2 egg yolks
1/8 teaspoon of salt
1 and 1/2 cup of vegetable oil
4 teaspoons of lemon juice
Put the egg yolks in a small bowl, add the salt and half a teaspoon of lemon juice, and mix well. Add the oil gradually, drop by drop at first, but faster as you proceed, and stir constantly. As the mixture thickens, thin it with lemon juice. Alternate between adding oil and lemon juice until you have used it all, stirring or beating constantly. Keep well covered and in a cool place when not in use. This can be made more economically and in less time by using the whole egg, because egg white takes up oil more readily and also more proportionately than the yolk. However, the colour and the flavour will not be quite so rich as yolk solo. This lack of colour can be overcome by the use of a little vegetable butter colouring, and the difference is not noticed by many. Put it all together and what have you made? What do you sayo?

Paraskavedekatriaphobics Unite

It's Friday the 13th.

If you were looking to spy a solo magpie, walk on pavement cracks, do something 666 times, spill some salt or break that mirror then do it today, because today is the day it couldn't get any worse.

The search goes on…

Mr. Carruthers failed to appear at Peel This!* He sent his apologies and relayed them via a rather flashy oven and so those people hoping to catch a glimpse of him had there hopes dashed. Hopefully an hour or so of comedy lightened their spirits, but there’s no helping some people.

We should take this opportunity to apologise to the bassist of the band Sonic Boom who was allegedly beset by people asking questions about our quarry. His name, Willie B. Carruthers, was confused for a question about assuming Mr C’s identity.

Getting on to the matter at hand, evidence has recently come to light of a tribe in South America who worship a deity called Kire’Oto. Which it has been postulated could well be a corruption of Carruthers. This could of course be absolute bunkum, but it has also been discovered that for ceremonial gatherings the men, women and children of the tribe all wear handmade moustaches of impressive scale.

Exhibit D (below) gives us a tantalising view of Mr Carruther’s past, it would seem that he was either the inspiration or the model for Cluedo’s Colonel Mustard. Whether this connects him to any unsolved murders, billiard rooms or lead pipings is at this time unclear.
The search continues. Keep us posted. Be vigilant.




*Well that particular Mr Carruthers failed to appear. The entirely different moustache-less filmmaker also named Mr Carruthers attended Sunday’s performance and we thank him.

Glassing about

Baby, I've been, breaking glass in your room again

Listen

Don't look at the carpet, I drew something awful on it

See

You're such a wonderful person

But you got problems

oh-oh-oh-oh

I'll never touch you

Music & Lyrics by David Bowie, George Murray & Dennis Davis, choreography by Andy Cartwright

Take Notice

And the Peel This! reviews are in:

“That was great fun, they were very funny! Loved the mayo song!”

“woo hoo! awesome work guys”

“Well done boys! laughed my jeans off”

“My favourite was the mayo song and also the bit with the estate agent, I think they need to extend that one... I also liked the mime artists a lot - it was particularly silly”

“I thought the drugs sketch was funny, and the trainspotters. Less sure about the really random bits such as the bloke dressed as a cooker at the beginning (why, why?)”

“You owe us £37.5 for rehearsal Space”

We also accrued a grand total of four, count 'em, four stars. Although they may well have been kisses. We'd settle for kisses.

And there it was, gone

Well that's it, show's over folks...Actors went rogue, trains were spotted and sats were well and truly navved. Navved hard.

If you saw it, great. We'd love to hear from you about what you liked, loved & loathed.

If you didn't see it, you sicken us. How dare you? Surely the only way for you to make amends is to make certain you are at our next show. What's that you read? Next show?

Yep.

When? Wherefore? Woo? Details to follow.

And then there were two...

If you only see one comedy sketch show this weekend, see Mr Carruthers Presents...Peel This! tonight at the Space.

If you see two, see Mr Carruthers Presents...Peel This! yesterday at the Space.

This is your last chance until your next chance.

Keep 'em Peeled

Well, here we are now.

Today Mr Carruthers is making his presentation. And you can be a part of it. I'll spare you the details, they're in most of the other posts.

Resistance is feudal.

0 days to go (unless you count Sunday).

It's nearly here...

It's Friday and you've got a lot on...the last episode of Peep Show, catching up on not watching Big Brother and maybe a fish and chip supper, but more importantly:
In a few short hours it's tomorrow!

The debut performance of Peel This! is upon us. Are you excited?

Good.
Although we don't want to neglect those of you coming on Sunday so maybe we should refer to the first performance as both the debut and penultimate show, while Sunday is more of a 'last chance to see' type affair. Does it feel more special now?

You betcha.

1 day to go.

Win a Holiday!

We are pleased to be able to offer you the chance to win a holiday, yes, you heard me a holiday. To Barbados, no less*. All you have to do is seek, locate and deploy the seventeen differences between the picture on the left and the picture on the right. If in doubt feel free to refer to the picture in the middle. Answers on a postcard...

This competition is only open to members of the Peel This! audience.

*does not include flights or accomodation.

2 days to go.

Space, the final frontier

Out there in the real world Mr Carruthers Presents...Peel This! is on at 8pm at The Space, 269 Westferry Road, London, E14 3RS on the 7th & 8th June 2008 (that's this Saturday & Sunday!).

Due to a clerical error (bloody clerics), the map to our Facebook event was incorrect. This has now been corrected but this seems like a good time to send out the right map far and wide.


View Larger Map

Also here are some websites for you to log on and unzip to:

Here is the Space website

Here is Mr Carruthers' MySpace

Here is Mr Carruthers' Facebook

Here is Mr Carruthers' YouTube channel

Here is Mr Carruthers' Blog (and so are you)

Here is all about Cheese

So go forth, ticket, befriend, watch, curdle and we'll see you at the weekend.

3 days to go.

Peel This! Preview

Just to whet your collective appetite, here is a preview of the material that makes up Peel This. The show contains the words:

hook
corpse
nearly
broadmarsh
double
mate
heel
line
awful

There we are. Don't you feel better now? Maybe you should copy them out and tick them off your list as the show progresses. Then again maybe not.

4 days to go.

Time is a counting down

Time is the fire in which we burn, but which one does Felicity Kendal play? Do electric sheep dream of Androidal jamjars? Whatever happened to Beards through the ages - From pointy to bushy and back again? Does Asha really come by the brimful? How heavy is your favourite zinc carbon battery? Did Lion-O ever find the Thundercat's Ho? Who would win in a fight: Steve Martin or Paul Darrow? The answers to none of these and more are available this weekend...

5 days to go.

Day of rest

Here's hoping you've enjoyed your Sunday. After all the T4, gravy, Songs of Praise and chanting, the working week is upon us all too soon, but have no fear as there is light at the end of the tunnel. As of midnight today, Mr Carruthers Presents...Peel This is only six days away (unless you are coming on the Sunday, in which case we applaud your stamina and will endeavour to kiss it better).

If you have yet to purchase your golden ticket, here's the link:
Buy tickets

Tickets for this show are selling in their numbers, so don't delay.


6 days to go.