Don't judge a cook by its cover

The most terrifying thing on two legs and watch how you open him.

Ainsley Harriott was almost slain in the cous cous and mushroom attacks of 2004 and since then Cooker (sometimes Cookr) has been living it up and his name is regularly linked with a number of Hollywood starlets but all this hobnobbing has left him empty, shallow and cold.

The enigmatic Mr Carruthers is an important part of his life but no one really knows exactly what. They are never seen in the same place at the same time, except of course when they are.

Journalists have attempted to grill Cooker about their relationship, but to no avail. Maybe they golf? Maybe they knit?