800

Mister Carruthers has over eight hundred friends on Facebook, which one are you?



Although it should be pointed out that only 314 of them have really pinned their colours to the mast and joined his group, Friends Of Mr Carruthers, which makes him sounds like a hospital ward fighting closure.

That leaves about 500 friends that maybe he can't count on. Ask yourselves these:

If he was moving house, would you help him carry boxes?
If he needed a kidney, would you find him one?
Would you take a bullet for him?*

If you answered 'YES' to any or all of these, give yourself a pat on the back and a lick on the knee.












* Where would you take it?

To Cap It All

Lower everyone's expectations in style with this trucker-style hat.

You could be the Carruther Trucker, mother fucker.

What's shakin'?

Let it all hang out.

What's The Verdict?

Yet more still reactions to A Writer's Meeting on Funny Or Die and YouTube:

"hahaheeheehoohoohahaheeheehahahahahaohohheeheeho*(*translation - very entertaining)"

"loved your blog and videos!" "ur avin a laugh!!!........... quite litterally :o)"

"LOV THE VIDS!! XXX"

"Hilarious!"

"Thats propper funny!! Love it ;)"

"watched ur comedy very good very good"

"I've just seen the videos on youtube and I nearly wet my sleeves off. Watch them people, watch them. Now."

"Very funny! Deffinately had me in fits of laughter."

"nice!"

Bowled Over

These gentlemen are from Penylan and are the proud winners of the Welsh Bowling Association's Carruthers Shield Open Draw 2008. The tournament has been running since 1919 and the shield's winners are considered among the best of bowlers. Isn't it shiny?

Is our Mr Carruthers a bowler of distinction?

Is the shield named in honour of him?

Happy Birthday Mike

Happy Birthday. Which is today. So be happy. For today at least. See you later. Today

I'm Up Here

You can look, but you can't touch. But don't stare, ogle or glare.

Eye contact.

Then maybe you've earned a shifty sideways glance.

Charting The Year Ahead...

For the next twelve months or so it will be 2009. It's weird when you first have to write it down, isn't it?

Some people choose to ride out the year with views of the Cotswolds to ease the transitions, or scantily clad girls strewn over car bonnets, or particularly attractive cats, dogs or lizards.

Well no longer, now the surname of our favourite mystery man can adorn your wall all year. You can let everyone who visits your home/office/bomb shelter of your affiliation to Mr Carruthers.

Semiquincentennial

First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eighth, Ninth, Tenth, Eleventh, Twelfth, Thirteenth, Fourteenth, Fifteenth, Sixteenth, Seventeenth, Eighteenth, Nineteenth, Twentieth, Twenty-First, Twenty-Second, Twenty-Third, Twenty-Fourth, Twenty-Fifth, Twenty-Sixth, Twenty-Seventh, Twenty-Eighth, Twenty-Ninth, Thirtieth, Thirty-First, Thirty-Second, Thirty-Third, Thirty-Fourth, Thirty-Fifth, Thirty-Sixth, Thirty-Seventh, Thirty-Eighth, Thirty-Ninth, Fortieth, Forty-First, Forty-Second, Forty-Third, Forty-Fourth, Forty-Fifth, Forty-Sixth, Forty-Seventh, Forty-Eighth, Forty-Ninth, Fiftieth, Fifty-First, Fifty-Second, Fifty-Third, Fifty-Fourth, Fifty-Fifth, Fifty-Sixth, Fifty-Seventh, Fifty-Eighth, Fifty-Ninth, Sixtieth, Sixty-First, Sixty-Second, Sixty-Third, Sixty-Fourth, Sixty-Fifth, Sixty-Sixth, Sixty-Seventh, Sixty-Eighth, Sixty-Ninth, Seventieth, Seventy-First, Seventy-Second, Seventy-Third, Seventy-Fourth, Seventy-Fifth, Seventy-Sixth, Seventy-Seventh, Seventy-Eighth, Seventy-Ninth, Eightieth, Eighty-First, Eighty-Second, Eighty-Third, Eighty-Fourth, Eighty-Fifth, Eighty-Sixth, Eighty-Seventh, Eighty-Eighth, Eighty-Ninth, Ninetieth, Ninety-First, Ninety-Second, Ninety-Third, Ninety-Fourth, Ninety-Fifth, Ninety-Sixth, Ninety-Seventh, Ninety-Eighth, Ninety-Ninth, One-Hundredth, One-Hundred-And-First, One-Hundred-And-Second, One-Hundred-And-Third, One-Hundred-And-Fourth, One-Hundred-And-Fifth, One-Hundred-And-Sixth, One-Hundred-And-Seventh, One-Hundred-And-Eighth, One-Hundred-And-Ninth, One-Hundred-And-Tenth, One-Hundred-And-Eleventh, One-Hundred-And-Twelfth, One-Hundred-And-Thirteenth, One-Hundred-And-Fourteenth, One-Hundred-And-Fifteenth, One-Hundred-And-Sixteenth, One-Hundred-And-Seventeenth, One-Hundred-And-Eighteenth, One-Hundred-And-Nineteenth, One-Hundred-And-Twentieth, One-Hundred-And-Twenty-First, One-Hundred-And-Twenty-Second, One-Hundred-And-Twenty-Third, One-Hundred-And-Twenty-Fourth, One-Hundred-And-Twenty-Fifth, One-Hundred-And-Twenty-Sixth, One-Hundred-And-Twenty-Seventh, One-Hundred-And-Twenty-Eighth, One-Hundred-And-Twenty-Ninth, One-Hundred-And-Thirtieth, One-Hundred-And-Thirty-First, One-Hundred-And-Thirty-Second, One-Hundred-And-Thirty-Third, One-Hundred-And-Thirty-Fourth, One-Hundred-And-Thirty-Fifth, One-Hundred-And-Thirty-Sixth, One-Hundred-And-Thirty-Seventh, One-Hundred-And-Thirty-Eighth, One-Hundred-And-Thirty-Ninth, One-Hundred-And-Fortieth, One-Hundred-And-Forty-First, One-Hundred-And-Forty-Second, One-Hundred-And-Forty-Third, One-Hundred-And-Forty-Fourth, One-Hundred-And-Forty-Fifth, One-Hundred-And-Forty-Sixth, One-Hundred-And-Forty-Seventh, One-Hundred-And-Forty-Eighth, One-Hundred-And-Forty-Ninth, One-Hundred-And-Fiftieth, One-Hundred-And-Fifty-First, One-Hundred-And-Fifty-Second, One-Hundred-And-Fifty-Third, One-Hundred-And-Fifty-Fourth, One-Hundred-And-Fifty-Fifth, One-Hundred-And-Fifty-Sixth, One-Hundred-And-Fifty-Seventh, One-Hundred-And-Fifty-Eighth, One-Hundred-And-Fifty-Ninth, One-Hundred-And-Sixtieth, One-Hundred-And-Sixty-First, One-Hundred-And-Sixty-Second, One-Hundred-And-Sixty-Third, One-Hundred-And-Sixty-Fourth, One-Hundred-And-Sixty-Fifth, One-Hundred-And-Sixty-Six, One-Hundred-And-Sixty-Seventh, One-Hundred-And-Sixty-Eighth, One-Hundred-And-Sixty-Ninth, One-Hundred-And-Seventieth, One-Hundred-And-Seventy-First, One-Hundred-And-Seventy-Second, One-Hundred-And-Seventy-Third, One-Hundred-And-Seventy-Fourth, One-Hundred-And-Seventy-Fifth, One-Hundred-And-Seventy-Sixth, One-Hundred-And-Seventy-Seventh, One-Hundred-And-Seventy-Eighth, One-Hundred-And-Seventy-Ninth, One-Hundred-And-Eightieth, One-Hundred-And-Eighty-First, One-Hundred-And-Eighty-Second, One-Hundred-And-Eighty-Third, One-Hundred-And-Eighty-Fourth, One-Hundred-And-Eighty-Fifth, One-Hundred-And-Eighty-Sixth, One-Hundred-And-Eighty-Seventh, One-Hundred-And-Eighty-Eighth, One-Hundred-And-Eighty-Ninth, One-Hundred-And-Ninetieth, One-Hundred-And-Ninety-First, One-Hundred-And-Ninety-Second, One-Hundred-And-Ninety-Third, One-Hundred-And-Ninety-Fourth, One-Hundred-And-Ninety-Fifth, One-Hundred-And-Ninety-Sixth, One-Hundred-And-Ninety-Seventh, One-Hundred-And-Ninety-Eighth, One-Hundred-And-Ninety-Ninth, Two-Hundredth, Two-Hundred-And-First, Two-Hundred-And-Second, Two-Hundred-And-Third, Two-Hundred-And-Fourth, Two-Hundred-And-Fifth, Two-Hundred-And-Sixth, Two-Hundred-And-Seventh, Two-Hundred-And-Eighth, Two-Hundred-And-Ninth, Two-Hundred-And-Tenth, Two-Hundred-And-Eleventh, Two-Hundred-And-Twelfth, Two-Hundred-And-Thirteenth, Two-Hundred-And-Fourteenth, Two-Hundred-And-Fifteenth, Two-Hundred-And-Sixteenth, Two-Hundred-And-Seventeenth, Two-Hundred-And-Eighteenth, Two-Hundred-And-Nineteenth, Two-Hundred-And-Twentieth, Two-Hundred-And-Twenty-First, Two-Hundred-And-Twenty-Second, Two-Hundred-And-Twenty-Third, Two-Hundred-And-Twenty-Fourth, Two-Hundred-And-Twenty-Fifth, Two-Hundred-And-Twenty-Sixth, Two-Hundred-And-Twenty-Seventh, Two-Hundred-And-Twenty-Eighth, Two-Hundred-And-Twenty-Ninth, Two-Hundred-And-Thirtieth, Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-First, Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-Second, Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-Third, Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-Fourth, Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-Fifth, Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-Sixth, Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-Seventh, Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-Eighth, Two-Hundred-And-Thirty-Ninth, Two-Hundred-And-Fortieth, Two-Hundred-And-Forty-First, Two-Hundred-And-Forty-Second, Two-Hundred-And-Forty-Third, Two-Hundred-And-Forty-Fourth, Two-Hundred-And-Forty-Fifth, Two-Hundred-And-Forty-Sixth, Two-Hundred-And-Forty-Seventh, Two-Hundred-And-Forty-Eighth, Two-Hundred-And-Forty-Ninth, Two-Hundred-And-Fiftieth.

Two hundred and fifty posts. Who'd have thought it?

Plink. Plonk. Fizz. Jizz.

Love is the drug.

Beck's Bangs

I can’t believe what we’ve seen outside
You and me watching the jets go by
Oh, oooh, oh
Oh, oooh, oh

Down by the sea so many people’ve
Already drowned
You and me watching the sea full of people
Try not to drown

So many people, so many people
Where do they go?
You and me watching the sky full of chemtrails
That’s where we can float

All I can take from these skies is fog
And all I can see in this light are boats sinking
Oh, oooh, oh
Oh, oooh, oh

Down by the sea
Swallowed by evil they’ve already drowned
You and me watching the sea full of people
Who’ve already drowned

So many people, so many people
Where do they go?
You and me hit by a test of white evil rain
Watching the jet planes go by

You and me watching
You and me watching
Chemtrails form swelling behind
That’s what I mean when we got in the slipstream
We’re climbing a hole in the sky

Music & Lyrics by Beck, noosework by Andy Cartwright

700

Hot on the heels of announcing six hundred friends, we are pleased to reveal that seven hundred friends have joined Mr Carruthers on the book of faces.

Yellow Alert

OK, the crisis is abating. Whatever it was, it isn't anymore. Relax, but not too much. Less lax than that. Feet closer together, straighten your back. You should remain at a state of vigilence. If you should choose to sit, don't sit comfortably. There is a perceived threat. If you can't perceive it, then maybe you're part of the problem. Are you a seditionist? Be honest. Well until your civil liberties are sufficiently eroded, keep it to yourself. Privacy is the new terrorism. Are you a terrorist? Sshhhh. It'll all go away.

A Stitch In Time

His name is Mr Carruthers.

He had an accident, and he woke up in 1973.

Is he mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever's happened, it's like he's landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if he can work out the reason, he can get home.

Maybe.

Sought

The list of YouTube searches that have successfully lead to our videos throws up some interesting variations on a theme:

mr.corrinthers
mr curuthers presents
mr curruthers presents
carruthers presnts
bad meetings
mr mcruthers
mr carunthers
mr carurhers
porn writers meeting
sitcom laughter
sketch sitcom
mr carruthas presents
porno authors meeting
two porn writers
mr carurthers
wirter's meeting
mr carruthers presents...laughter
script writer's meeting

Global Warming

This is your fault.


Turn your computer off now.

Bear All

Kill two birds with one bear.
Keep your little one amused and keep the search for Mr Carruthers alive.

Now that's funnier

Ha Ha.

600

Half a league, half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.
"Forward the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns!" he said.
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Amazingly Mr Carruthers has passed six hundred friends on the Facebook and we have it on good authority that he loves them all.

Except that one.

Now that's funny

Ha.

Fertilisation

Next time you are undergoing the penetrative act, spare a thought for this:


Don't enjoy it too much, this is what it's for.

Get Your Red Pen Out

An apology:
Sorry.

A clarification:
There is a mistake in this post. I made it. I'm sorry I've let you all down. The post is entitled Vane Mane, which is of course incorrect. I got my Vanes in a muddle. It is a homophone after all. Not that we discriminate.

A diagram:
Thankfully the diagram discovered below helps to sort out our homophonic homonyms




Vane Mane indeed, it should but won't be retitled: Vain Main as a lesson to you all.

Learn.

Resolute

Did you have a new year's resolution?

Maybe you want to lose weight, or find it.
Maybe you want a new job.
Maybe you want to learn to drive/sing/ski/swim/shelve.
Maybe you want to stop smoking.
Maybe you want start.

Stick with it. You'll get there.

Bibbity Bobbity Boo

Frankly from out of the mouths of babes, comes a lot of what went in.

Now your offspring can don this handy bib to protect them from their own masticatory mess whilst also proudly informing the world of their allegiance to a mystery man with a moustache.

Start 'em young.

Channel hopping

Eyes right.

We've added a gadget so you can watch videos here and now and here.

On the nth day of Christmas...

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me twelve drummers drumming, eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree!

Cumulatively that would be:

By the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me twelve drummers drumming, twenty two pipers piping, thirty lords a-leaping, thirty six ladies dancing, forty maids a-milking, forty two swans a-swimming, forty two geese a-laying, forty gold rings, thirty six calling birds, thirty French hens, twenty two turtle doves and twelve partridges in twelve pear trees.

Not to mention the potential din of a thirty four piece orchestra accompanied by thirty six birds chosen for their beautiful music and a hundred and forty eight more that probably sound awful, the obstacle of sixty six persons gyrating presumably within earshot. Presumably at least forty cows for a-milking and a hundred and twenty days worth of milk. If each birds lays just one egg each day then that's 147 swan eggs, 168 goose eggs, 180 calling bird eggs, 165 French hen eggs, 132 turtle dove eggs and 78 partridge eggs. Altogether that's 870 eggs.

Nice pears.

Twelfth Night

Confusing isn't it? The eleventh day of Christmas culminates in the Twelfth Night.


P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me eleven pipers piping, ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

It's His Lordship

I suppose technically this is one lord.

Not the Lord. I don't think He is much of a leaper. Jesus Wept, but did he leapt? or crept? or swept? or flept?

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me ten lords a-leaping, nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Girls, Girls, Girls, Dance, Dance, Dance

It'd take more than a stitch in time to save these nine.

Harlots.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me nine ladies dancing, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Auck-land Syne

You've got to admire the people of New Zealand, among their many achievements are The Lord Of The Rings films, giving a place a name as wonderfully silly as Bluff and keeping the haka alive.
In addition to the above they take the 2nd of January, the day after New Years Day, as a public holiday which they have chosen to officially call:

The Day After New Years Day.

You can't argue with that.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.

Happy New Year

Unless you're not using the Gregorian calendar, in which case it's just "Good Morning".

Unless you're in a wildly different time zone, in which case it's "How do you do?"

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree.